Saw It For You: Final Destination Bloodlines (2025)
Tagline. Death runs in the family’s blood’s lines… destinating them as final.
Synopsis. The invisible machinations of death come for a group of people who were never supposed to be born, thanks to lax abortion laws which undermine a moral republic.
Trivia
The original title, Final Destination Blurred Lines, was changed due to scheduling issues with Robin Thicke.
Dubious Detail. Coroner checks “Never born” box as official cause of death.
The death scene where the character Julia falls into a dumpster and asphyxiates on a full diaper had to be reshot after test audiences deemed it too sexy.
Admirable Ad-Lib. In the advanced stages of his cancer, actor Tony Todd was allowed to come up his character’s last line as long as it made sense in the scene. Todd delivered the now-iconic “Confirmed for 4:35 PM, desk sergeant.”
Travel accommodations for Final Destination Bloodlines were provided by Embassy Suites from Hilton®, the official hotel of Final Destination scenes that involve drowning or being crushed.
Causes of Death in Order of Appearance
Surprise-induced mass bowel prolapse following DJ airhorn.
Very long bullet served in place of stadium hot dog.
Too-powerful brakes stop car’s motion relative to the sun instead of Earth.
Athlete accidentally applies a topical catalgesic.
Underestimation of Presto SaladShooter® muzzle velocity.
Astronaut removes helmet to yell at comet.
Trepanation via butter churn.
Man with curable illness dies after prescription with typo instructs him to “Take 0 tablet every morning.”
Gift of shark tooth necklace still attached to living shark mouth.
Banner at Quebecois fish-eating contest folds over, now reading “Who can eat the most poison?”
Quadriplegic safety inspector beheaded by steel cobble misroll.
Dog drives Sprinter van into Burlington Coat Factory.
Memorable Quotes
Stefani (Kaitlyn Santa Juana). Our parents had a vision that let them escape a fated death, something that keeps happening throughout history.
Charlie (Teo Briones). How?
Stefani. Somebody leaked those visions. They’re sabotaging death at work to get him fired from Heaven.
Old Iris (Gabrielle Rose). With Death out of the way, Heaven’s board of directors can force a vote for their reorg. But Jesus’s managerial style is too lateral, and once His evaluations reflect this, God will have to accept an outside hire—or better, consultants in private equity—to avoid bottlenecking in His prayer downline.
William Bludworth (Tony Todd). This is my last film role before I die. Anyway, confirmed for 4:35 PM, desk sergeant.
